Wept

I have never cried while TTC my own children but today I cried over not being able to do an insemination this cycle cause of the long distance, timing and holiday. It's no one's fault, it is what it is. 


TTC as a surrogate is so much more emotional because this isn't just about me and my husband like with our own kids. This is about a whole other family who deserve a baby! 


The desire for me to give them this baby is stronger than it was for my own. Of course I wanted my chidlren when I wanted them, but I guess because it was easy for me and my husband (our 1st took 3 months, our 2nd one try), it's just different! I knew with our own children we had the chance to conceive whenever the moment struck us and when we knew the timing was right. I could say I'm fertile this week, and we would make sure to be intimate several times that week to make sure we covered all our bases. 


As a tradition surrogate (TS) it has to be planned weeks ahead. We can't just do an insemination as soon as I know I'm fertile. It's more complicated. 


I knew this could take a few months to work, I just didn't realize how emotional I'd be over it. 


I want to help this family so much, but I'm having a hard time being patient about it! 


On to the next cycle.


My ovulation prediction is Christmas!