not happening

Insemination is not going to happen this month either. Today would have been the day but things changed on the IPs end and they couldn't ship yesterday or today. The Holidays really have messed this all up.

My cervix was high and soft late last night and early this morning, now it's lowering and firmer. I didn't test yesterday because I was at a birth but this morning's OPK was barely positive, so I think it would have been positive yesterday.

I think we are gonna miss it and it would be a waste of money to try and ship tomorrow to try an insemination on the 24th, Saturday. I was expecting another CD 18 ovulation (Saturday, 24th), but it looks like CD 16-17, which is almost normal.

Everyone is frustrated.

So it's on to January. Next ovulation prediction around Jan 21st.

CD 13, 3 days until insem!

It's THIS WEEK!!! It's finally getting close! December 22nd, Thursday is when I will inseminate! All signs looking good so far, I'm having creamy/water mucus, my cervix has been so far low and firm so it should start to move in the upcoming days. I'm expecting a positive OPK to happen on Thursday the day of insemination or Friday the day after. I'm hoping we finally have our timing right!

H & M will ship the semen on Weds overnight so it will arrive Thursday morning at my door. I'll then go through the at home insemination process.

I will be busy all day Wednesday at my first birth as a doula! I'm hoping the distraction will be a good thing :) 

So this week is a huge week! I have my first birth as a doula, I'm inseminating in hopes of conceiving baby roo (that's my nickname for baby) and it's also Christmas on Sunday! Holy Moly Guacamole! Busy Busy!! 

I have my idea on how to tell H & M when I'm finally pregnant as well, but that's my little secret since they read this :)

H posted this photo tonight on FB with the caption....

"I bought this last year thinking we'd have a little Santa to wear it. Makes me sad."

You've heard the song "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" well I'm singing "All I want for Christmas is two more feet" 

Two more tiny feet to tot around H & M's loving home! 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday! 

Keep us all in your thoughts and prayers that our Christmas wish comes true and that next year H & M will have a little santa to wear that adorable outfit pictured above!

Ending 2011 with a bang!

Our plan for next cycle is still shipping. We discussed me flying down, but with Christmas ticket prices, family visting their home, and my recent obligation to a client, it's just not feasible.

Today is CD 24, I'm expecting AF in about 7-8 more days. We should be good to go for a December 23rd or 24th insemination. Ovulation should occur on the 25th or 26th. It's best to inseminate before ovulation because we want the sperm there and waiting to meet the egg. I'm also going to use an instead cup this time, to increase our chances. An instead cup is a menstrual cup, but it can be used while TTC. After I "deposit" the sperm, I insert the cup and leave it there for little while. This prevents anything from coming back out and gives the sperm time to get through my cervix because the cup acts as a pool so they stay close to the cervix. I've read from many who have conceived the first month using an instead cup. I'm excited to see what it does for us!

So that's the plan, let's hope it works so we end the year of 2011 with a huge bang! :)

Wept

I have never cried while TTC my own children but today I cried over not being able to do an insemination this cycle cause of the long distance, timing and holiday. It's no one's fault, it is what it is. 


TTC as a surrogate is so much more emotional because this isn't just about me and my husband like with our own kids. This is about a whole other family who deserve a baby! 


The desire for me to give them this baby is stronger than it was for my own. Of course I wanted my chidlren when I wanted them, but I guess because it was easy for me and my husband (our 1st took 3 months, our 2nd one try), it's just different! I knew with our own children we had the chance to conceive whenever the moment struck us and when we knew the timing was right. I could say I'm fertile this week, and we would make sure to be intimate several times that week to make sure we covered all our bases. 


As a tradition surrogate (TS) it has to be planned weeks ahead. We can't just do an insemination as soon as I know I'm fertile. It's more complicated. 


I knew this could take a few months to work, I just didn't realize how emotional I'd be over it. 


I want to help this family so much, but I'm having a hard time being patient about it! 


On to the next cycle.


My ovulation prediction is Christmas! 

BioTranz

I mentioned previously about H & M shipping the semen. You might be wondering HOW DOES THAT WORK?

We use a kit, called BioTranz, that is specially designed for shipping semen.

Information from their website:

The Bio-TranZ® sperm shipper container with all its contents are designed to cool semen to approximately 5°C for overnight transport all over the United States. 

The Bio-TranZ® technology provides:

• Proven technology for mailing liquid semen.
• Reduces anxieties and pressure during semen production.
• Easy for its use and employment.
• Saves precious time and money.
• Shipped semen can be used for IUI or evaluation.
• Guarantees similar results to fresh semen.
• Helps avoid unnecessary travel and stays in hotels.

The Bio-TranZ®, because of its unique features, allows a patient to transport unfrozen semen to a location for evaluation purposes or use in an insemination program or other Assisted Reproductive Techniques (ART) such as In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF). 

By using the Bio-TranZ® one can save precious time (travel, etc) and most importantly, financially, since the Bio-TranZ® and the transportation (via overnight shipper) costs only a fraction of what it would normally cost for the patient to travel and stay at the given location. 

The quality of the sperm shipped via the Bio-TranZ® is as good as fresh sperm, which guarantees excellent fertilization and pregnancy results. The Bio-TranZ® is easy to use and comes with all materials needed for the shipment, as well as, very simple instructions that one can follow.

Each package contains:

• Corrugated shipping box
• Polystyrene (Styrofoam) container 
• Cold pack
• Thin piece of Styrofoam with 2 holes
• Test-Yolk Buffer (TYB; 5 ml) 
• Test-tube
• Fabricated Styrofoam core (block)
• Shipping label (pre-paid return label optional)
• Instructions

H & M will follow the instructions for this kit, then take it to FedEx right before it closes, and ship it overnight so it can be delivered at the earliest time the next morning. I take over from there and start the at home insemination process. 

Timing is everything! 

Bah Humbug!

It's CD 16, and at 12:30pm I got a positive OPK.....

I messed up the date at first

I should be happy right? .....WRONG!

I'm frustrated! There isn't a possibility that H & M can ship today due to H's job demanding her to be in meetings all day, FedEx will close 30mins after she gets out of work, and if they shipped tomorrow it would be a waste because it wouldn't be delivered until Friday because of Thanksgiving! So the soonest we could inseminate is Saturday if they shipped on Friday.

A positive OPK means I will ovulate in the next 12-48 hours. So at the latest Thursday, so if I inseminated on Saturday that's 2 days after ovulation at the earliest. Worse case scenario is I ovulate late tonight while sleeping or tomorrow (Wednesday), then that's 3 whole days after ovulation that I can inseminate. The egg would no longer be viable, since it only "lives" for 48 hours. :(


FRICKITY FRICK FRACK!

I'm glad that I am ovulating closer to normal in my cycle....CD 16 for a positive OPK is really good, but why does it have to be around the holidays! Last month it happened right before Halloween! It looks like that it might happen for Christmas too! CD 16 would be Christmas Eve, if my cycle is 32 days this round. I most likely be ovulating around December 26th next cycle.

This is a bit ridiculous!

*sigh*

You are making a baby how?

Today I was faced with some criticism about my journey and about using at home insemination as our method, so I would like to clear things up.

M, the Intended Father has been tested for infectious diseases, such as HIV and Hep B. I have seen the report, it's real. The man is CLEAN. He loves his wife, he's faithful, he's not out participating in dangerous activities. If he was, that would have turned me off from matching with them! 

H & M are not "virgins" to all this. They've been down this road before, it didn't work out then for a reason that was no one's fault. 

H & M have tried adoption, they were placed with two baby boys at two different times but BOTH times, the birth mother had changed her mind and took the baby back. It wasn't anything H & M did that didn't give them that baby.

They have been cleared by the state and have had recent home inspections etc. in order to adopt a baby. 

They are WONDERFUL! They LOVE their current children! They DESERVE a baby! 

Before meeting with them, I went to the doctor and was tested for infectious diseases also. All my tests came back clean. I'm also in a faithful marriage and do not participate in dangerous activities. If "I" did then H & M wouldn't have matched with me! 

I'm healthy and clean, and M is healthy and clean. Together that will equal a healthy disease free child ;) 

So How does At Home Insemination work? You ask. 

Here are some very easy to read instructions, from www.fertilityplus.org

NEEDLELESS SYRINGE METHOD

Supplies needed:

1.    Needleless syringe or oral medicine syringe

2.    Collection cup, baggy or condom

3.    (Optional) Saline without additives or preservatives

4.    (Optional) Tube to attach to syringe

5.    (Optional) Mild germicidal soap

You can ask your doctor for a needleless syringe or you can buy an oral medicine syringe at just about any drugstore or in Wal*Mart near the children's thermometers. Buy the syringe with a plunger, not a bulb end (not the mini turkey baster!). The syringes work pretty much the same way. One that is maybe 4 inches long, or longer, is probably best. The oral medicine syringes have about a half inch narrow tip on the end. You can attach a catheter (thin tube) to either kind of syringe but you don't need to and it may waste more of the semen to use one.

a) Take a clean or sterile glass or plastic cup, baggy, or collection condom and have the male ejaculate into it. You'll probably have better luck getting the semen out of a cup since you could suck the baggy or condom up to the syringe and block the opening, but you may get a larger sample with the baggy or condom. You can use a tiny bit of saline, without additives/preservatives, to help get as much sperm as possible into the syringe, but you don't need to worry too much about leaving a little behind. If you are using frozen sperm, you need to ask the sperm bank for directions on thawing.

b) Draw back on the syringe once with nothing but air, then push the air out again.

c) Draw back on the syringe again, but this time have the end of it in the semen -- the vacuum created by pulling back on the stopper will suck the semen into the syringe.

d) Try to tap out any air bubbles since you don't want to inject air into your vagina. You can do this by slowly rotating the syringe until the opening is facing up. Tap the air bubbles to the top and them push the plunger in on the catheter just a small amount -- enough to get rid of air w/o squirting semen out.

e) Get into a position where you can either stay comfortably for a half hour or can get into the position w/ minimal movement. Ideal is to either have hips raised or to lay on your side making sure your pelvis is canted (usually hips provide natural angle if you hips are wider than your waist, but if your bed, or wherever you are lying, is soft, you may want to put a pillow or two underneath your hip).

f) Slowly glide the syringe, or catheter, into the vagina until it is close to the cervix -- but do not try to get it into the cervix and do this gently. Your goal is to coat the outside of the cervix and to deposit as much sperm as possible as close the cervix as you can get it.

g) SLOWLY inject sperm. If you do it too fast, it can squirt out of the vagina or at least spray away from the cervix.

h) If you are concerned about wastage in the syringe, you can use some saline, without additives . . . add some to the syringe, shake it a bit, get the air out, and inject. This is not necessary since there probably won't be enough wastage to be of concern.

i) Try to have an orgasm -- Some suggest that using a vibrator for clitoral stimulation produces a bigger, more powerful orgasm. Use whatever method works best for you (unless it requires lots of water!). The orgasm helps the cervix dip into the vaginal pool and suck up sperm -- it helps get more sperm up there, and may speed sperm travel. Avoid penetration (as in intercourse or with vibrator). This falls in the can't hurt, might help category.

j) You can use water and a mild germicidal soap to clean your supplies if they will have time to dry completely before re-use, or run very hot water over them. Otherwise you can use saline to clean everything.

Timing for this kind of insemination is the same as for intercourse -- if possible. The best timing is the day before LH surge (as detected with an ovulation predictor kit), day of LH surge, and next 2-3 days, the last day or two being insurance. If you don't have all those options, the day of the LH surge and the day after are best.

The advantage to this method is that you don't need any fitted equipment! You don't even need a speculum (though you can use one).

The success rate is the same as with intercourse, perhaps a bit less because there are usually fewer opportunities for insemination and timing may not cover the bases as well.

I hope this helps you all understand this process of at home insemination better. Yes it's EXTREMELY AWKWARD, but those 30mins of awkwardness laying down with my hips in the air trying to think welcoming thoughts about an egg and sperm are all worth it!

At home insemination is not taboo in the surrogacy community, especially for a traditional surrogate.

If you have any other questions that have not already been answers in the Q & A at the bottom of the page, please comment with them and I will answer them for you. 

Thank you! 

Cycle 3: CD 14

It's CD 14 and I'm showing signs that ovulation is coming soon!

My cervix is high, but not completely soft yet, but it's not firm either, it's medium.

I've had a good bit of watery cervical mucus with a bit of EWCM here and there.

OPKs have been negative today, but darker than yesterday's.

I've been drinking 1-2 cups of fertilitea and female toner tea each day since CD 1.

I'm hoping I ovulate before CD 18 this month, I usually don't feel signs until CD 16 on cycles that I ovulate around CD 20.

H & M are on standby so to speak, awaiting my go ahead so they can do what they need to do on their end and FedEx the "package" to me so I can inseminate at home. Yes, that's right, you CAN ship semen with pre-ordered kits made for shipping sperm.

CD 18 is also Thanksgiving, so I hope I don't ovulate ON that day because FedEx is closed, any other day surrounding the holiday should be good for overnight shipping :)


Wish us luck!

Cycle 3: CD 1

Today is the first day of cycle 3.

AF arrived 3 days earlier this month, but that's ok :)

I bought some Fertilitea, so I'm going to start drinking that tonight. I was drinking Traditional Medicinals Female Toner tea last cycle, which may explain why my cycle was a little bit early and why I ovulated a little earlier. I usually have longer cycles but this one was actually closer to normal.

Because it came 3 days earlier, this should mean ovulation will occur between the 24th-28th of this month.

We could have a Turkey Baby!

I can't think of anything better for the IPs to be thankful for this year, if it does happen!

I hope everything goes according to plan and the holidays don't interfere at all. That's my only worry at the moment. I'm not even sure my family and I are traveling for Thanksgiving, we've been having car troubles.

As always, keep sending the baby dust!!!

You haven't missed anything

I'm still here, it's been awhile since my last update.

This cycle ended up being really busy for both myself and the IPs so we agreed to skip it and try again next cycle.

IM is actually out of town on business this week and I had a positive OPK last night and this morning, so the timing was just not in our favor.

So you haven't missed anything cause nothing has been going on.

Good news is my cycles are regular (longer still, but regular) so at least I am able to predict a 2-3 day window for ovulation :)

Next Ovulation should occur beginning of December, making an August baby!

Round 2: CD 1

AF slowly showed up this morning, exactly on 14 DPO.

I have mixed emotions about it because this officially means I am in fact not pregnant but it's also the start to a new cycle and a new chance to create this baby for H & M.

Hopefully we'll have a conception in 20-23 days from now :)

Keep sending the Baby Dust!

12 DPO

I can feel AF coming anytime now.

My lower back is aching which started yesterday evening when walking around the mall.

I am bloated and crabby (crabby is probably an understatement if you asked my husband).

My cervix has started to lower after it was high for about a week. 

Another BFN this morning. 

I wouldn't be surprised if I started AF later today or tomorrow. 

I just want AF to come and leave as quickly as possible!

*SIGH*
On to the next! Operation Ruby Baby! (July)

Coming Soon!

10 DPO *test results*

Today is 10 DPO.

This morning's tests revealed a BFN :(

It's still early and there is still hope but so far it's not looking good for this cycle. AF is due this weekend.

H and I have discussed actions for a future attempt if AF does show.

We aren't losing all hope yet, but it was a disappointment to see nothing significant at this point on a test. I got a BFP with my 2nd child at 8 DPO, so I was expecting something to show by now.

Keep your fingers crossed that we have a stubborn sticky in there!

If not, then send the baby dust!!!

8 DPO

I am back home in Virginia. I miss H, M, T & J more than I thought I would. We really got along great and I enjoyed my stay so much. The weather here in Virginia is wet and cold so that doesn't help, I miss the warm Florida sunshine.

I was so happy to see my daughter again though, I missed her a lot! My husband and I have had some awesome date nights since I've been back that we both deserved.

I'm currently 8 DPO and still waiting to test. I am not sure what to think or feel, because PMS can mimic early pregnancy. My cervix is all over the place, but today was VERY high, almost unreachable. I had a bout of irritability today and have been emotional. No nausea, but I have bloating and am peeing a good bit (but I am also drinking a lot).

It's just so early and way too confusing right now. I wish I had a definite yes or no at this point but I don't, so we have to wait a few more days and see what happens.

I think I will cry either way if the test(s) are positive or negative because I want this baby so badly for this family! My dreams are filled with pregnancy and this family so greatly that I wake up crying happy tears for them!

Keep sending us your good thoughts and prayers!

Ending to the beginning

Tomorrow I fly back home after spending a week with this awesome family. It has been everything I thought it was going to be and more. I already love them. It was priceless seeing them all interact with my 13 month old son, especially their daughters. I fought back some tears throughout this visit.

I"m currently 5DPO and feeling bloated, gassy, tired, queasy and hungry. All good signs, but also typical PMS signs. It's too early to know anything certain yet.

I had a wonderful time getting to know everyone more, and feel (once again) that we were suppose to connect, that this is meant to be.

I'm going to miss them all, even their 5 cats, 3 dogs and hilariously talking parrot, but I know we'll be spending more time together in the near future!

This is only a temporary end to an extraordinary beginning!!!

Now we wait

Today my cervix has dropped lower and has become firm. Ovulation has occurred and I do believe it happened yesterday on CD 21. We only got one insemination in (Sept 22, CD 20) so hopefully it worked!

Now we wait for about 10 more days before I test.

In the meantime, I am enjoying the rest of my stay in Florida with this wonderful family!

It finally begins!

We made it to Florida on Thursday with no delay or problems!

I was a nervous wreck during the flight(s) that I could barely eat. It was very exciting to finally meet H and M. H and her youngest daughter J met us (my son and I) at the airport. H was crying and it was emotional but very happy.

We went to lunch and to the Beach and just got to know each other even better.

My body was telling me signs that ovulation was VERY close so last night (9/22) we did our first (and only) insemination.

Today I woke up with a high and soft cervix, and EWCM which are all good signs! My cervix has stayed high today and my mucus has been fertile. I am not cramping on my left side today like I had been the past 2 days. Hopefully tomorrow my cervix will harden and drop and my mucus will dry/become sticky, proving that ovulation has occurred either late yesterday or today.

We have been having a lot of fun and I am so glad the IPs and myself get along so well.

They are definitely the perfect match for me! I am so honored to be able to make a dream of theirs for so long a reality.

Please send us lots of positive thoughts and sticky dust for a healthy happy embryo to take up residence in my uterus the next 38 weeks (approx.)

Florida shoreline 

The race is on!

I leave tomorrow morning for Florida and today I have a positive OPK! 

Today is CD 19.

Yesterday I started to worry because I felt Mittelschmerz (ovulation pain), but it looks like we will barely make it! I'm crossing my fingers that this eggie hangs on for at least 24 more hours! I hope M's swimmers are faster than Michael Phelps haha!

The race is on my friends!

Keep sending us good thoughts for safe travels and baby dust! 

I'm leaving on a jet plane...don't know when....

I've got a ticket to ride!

I depart for Florida on Sept 22nd! I will return Sept 29th. That will give us a whole week to do a few inseminations and make sure I have ovulated. I am on CD 4 currently.

It is all very surreal feeling.

Now we are waiting on the final copy of the contract and the life insurance policy, then we'll be all set!

I leave 5 days after my son's 1st Birthday party, which makes the next two weeks very busy!

My son is coming with me, my daughter who is 3 will stay behind with my husband. My son is more attached to me at this age and I think he would really be stressed out if I was away from him for a whole week. My daughter is old enough to understand that I will be back and we can call each other phone. I will miss her and my husband but I am so excited to be traveling and doing this for H & M. I can't wait to meet them face to face and their daughters.

I have imagined what it will be like when we meet and I just cannot wait for it to actually happen!

I hope they like me.......just kidding! I know we already feel close!

Deeper Impact

I knew when I decided to start this journey that it would impact my life forever. I knew the lives of the IPs would be impacted forever. Once I learned the IPs had two daughters, I knew their lives would be impacted forever.

It wasn't until tonight that I realized the impact for their two daughters goes deeper than receiving a new little brother or sister. They are daughters, they are sisters, but they are also potential mothers.

I have mentioned earlier that we are planning a home water birth. A birth of this kind is rare today in the U.S, although homebirth is on the rise, it is still hardly talked about. It is rarely seen in the media, actually what is seen in the media is a controlled hospital birth with interventions and the mother usually screaming in a lot of pain. This is not how all births go, nor is it what is normal.

T & J (IPs daughters) are old enough to understand where babies come from. T started high school and J started middle school. They already have an interest in birth and babies, from what I have been told they enjoy watching youtube videos of  births with their mother. I think that is fantastic! I think that will help prepare them for this baby's birth.

I am hoping they both will feel comfortable enough to be involved with the birth. I wouldn't be opposed to them seeing their baby brother or sister be born. I wouldn't be opposed to them cutting cord if they wanted. I think that this opportunity for them to see a live normal natural birth will impact them so deep that when it is time for them to become mothers and choose where/how they want to birth, they will remember that moment. They will remember me being calm, relaxed and full of light during labor and birth. They won't (hopefully) remember the women on tv screaming and cursing at their husbands for doing "this" to them. They will have a joyous memory and experience to look back on.

I am very honored to be able to not only give this wonderful family a child that they all have wanted for so long but also to teach two young women that birth is normal. It doesn't have to be what is seen on tv, it doesn't have to be scary, it is not always chaos. It can be peaceful and gentle when you let your body do what it was designed to do.


I'll end with one of my favorite quotes....

"We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong."
                                                                                              - Laura Stavoe Harm

Ready for Regular Season!

It's official, I did ovulate! This was the last "pre-season" egg before we prepare for regular season.

If you are lost, I am a football fan ;)

CD 20 YAY!!! AF is due around Sept 4th so that makes for hopefully a last weekend in Sept (24-26) conception for H & M!

I am so excited!! I am feeling so ready to do this!

It's on the move!

This afternoon gave me a positive OPK! The egg is on the move soon!

I have been feeling dull aching pains on my left side since yesterday. :) 

Today is CD 20, cervix is high soft and open! 

Yippee! This cycle is looking great! I hope and pray next cycle goes just as well! 

I think we are still on track for a late September conception as long as AF isn't stubborn to come like last month :p

I still haven't heard anything from the OB regarding my Pap results. I hope that means everything is normal and my abnormal result in July was just a fluke. I will call them next week to be sure. 

I can't believe it's almost time! 

Good Morning

My OPKs have been looking better this month. I think my fertility is stronger this month because I gained a couple pounds to put me more in the normal range. In the past I have noticed how my weight affects my fertility so I wanted to make sure my weight was not going to be a factor for surrogacy.

This morning was a nice wake up :)

Today is CD 19. I will take another OPK around noon today and then again in the evening before bed. I am expecting the line to get darker. If they do get darker then I can expect ovulation around CD 21. This is a great improvement than the previous month!

It is exciting to know that this is the last egg before we start trying :)

Moving Forward...I hope!

Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I have been busy trying to get my business started as a birth doula and  placenta encapsulationist. The journey has been slow right now though.

I did get another pap smear last week. I was told by the OB/GYN that if the results were bad, I would receive a call in about a week and if things were fine I would get a letter in the mail. I did not get a call today, one week exactly, and I haven't received a letter either, so I am hoping this is good news because of no call!

I am on CD 17 of the last "practice" cycle. I am feeling the fertility signs and I started using OPKs again this month. They are looking promising so far but no positives yet.

I have gained 2 more pounds to bring my weight up to 110lbs. I think the more weight I gain, the better it will help shorten/normalize my cycle. My goal is 115-118lbs, that is right around where I was when I got pregnant with both my children.

Hopefully I hear the official results of my pap smear in the next couple of days and we can finally get the contract signed :)

I am definitely ready for the next step!

slight hiccup

I received the results of my Pap smear and it showed abnormal cells. I was not expecting that kind of news and I have never had an abnormal Pap before but I am going to get it re-done this coming Thursday in hopes it was just a false positive. I know a few women, including my own mother, that had an abnormal then it turned out to be nothing.

I just started my last practice cycle before our planned insemination cycle in Sept/Oct last week. My cycles have been longer than I had hoped so I might ovulate too close or in Sept during this last practice, which would put us in October for conception. Not a big deal. It would mean a July baby, like me :)

If my Pap comes back with the same results, I will have to put my surrogacy journey on hold and seek treatment. I am staying positive though and hoping for the best!

If you pray, keep me in them.

Thanks!

You won't want to miss this.

Each day that goes by that I talk to H, I just get more and more excited about doing this!

I have always been a fan of reading birth stories. One in particular that I read recently gave me butterflies. It was a surrogacy story, written by the surrogate. It wasn't a home birth but a planned induction hospital birth. I was reading through it and imagining what my journey is going to be like. It will be in a different setting, but deep down it's the same, it's a surrogacy. The surrogate was detailing the pain of labor and the exhaustion of pushing. She was starting to lose focus at one point and wanted to give up, but then she saw the mother who this baby belonged to standing behind the shoulder of the doctor. She had happy tears in her eyes as she was witnessing the birth of HER baby, finally! That moment gave the surrogate more strength. She pushed the baby girl out. They placed the baby on the surrogate's chest and she stated "You hurt! But wow... you look like your brother!" I then pictured what would be my first words to this baby, this baby that isn't my own but will come out of me. I remember the first words I said to my own children. With my daughter I said "You're so hairy!", because she was full of hair! With my son I said "Oh my gosh, you're so tiny!", because he was smaller than his sister.

It is fun to think about these things and how this pregnancy and birth is going to be a completely different experience for me. I'm not scared at all. I am full of excitement and joy!

After the surrogate had birthed the baby girl, she was taken to the warmer and cleaned up. A nurse brought the baby back to the surrogate and placed her in her arms. She looked over at the new mother and said "She's yours!" and lifted that new pink bundle into her mother's arms.

Wow! At this point I had tears in my eyes. What a powerful moment! I couldn't help but imagine H and I in a similar moment months from now. It's just an amazing feeling and it hasn't even happened yet!

I seriously cannot wait to see this baby in his/her parents' arms. To see the look in their eyes of happiness and love for this baby, a baby that I helped create specially for them that they have waited YEARS for!

You will not want to miss this! It's going to be Epic! :)

Woo Egg!

I ovulated on CD 23!
I felt the pains, and all the signs were there. I guess I didn't get a really bright positive on the OPK this time. It happens, most likely because of the amount of dye in the stick. So it wasn't a false alarm ;)

I am almost done with this cycle and then one more practice until the cycle we plan to get pregnant! I am so excited!

Our contract is almost finished and ready for me to go over and make sure it's everything I want/need.

I am thinking the last week in September will be the week of creation :)

I don't think I have ever been so ready for summer to end!

False Alarm

That barely positive I thought I had yesterday morning is actually negative now. I was expecting a more vibrant positive last night, but it never happened.

My cervix can't make up it's mind this month. Yesterday it was high positioned and medium in firmness, but today it's down low and firm. So I either did ovulate and it wasn't very strong or I geared up for it, and then didn't. My CM is creamy and the past couple days it was egg-white/watery. We'll see what the next few days show on the tests. *sigh*

It's a good thing this is only practice :) 

*UPDATE*

330pm

I feel the pain of ovulation on my left side. Sharp, stabbing pain that last 15-20mins. I think something is happening :) 

Woo hoo!!

I got a positive (barely) test this morning!

I can't wait to see what this evening will look like :) 

My cervix is medium-high now, and almost soft but not quite there. It moved up a lot between yesterday and today. Mucus is watery-egg white. 

Ovulation should happen in the next 24-48 hours. 

Nothing will be there to meet it, sorry eggie. Thanks for your participation in the preliminary games though, you were a good sport :p 

Peek-a-Boo!

My egg is playing peek-a-boo.

It looked like it was getting closer, but yesterday there was a drop, but today it is back up again slightly. LH can fluctuate throughout the cycle, but this is a tease lol

I hope I ovulate soon! I really don't want a 40 something cycle again....which means it needs to happen before CD 26.

Turtle or the Hare

Will this egg be a turtle or a hare? That is the question.

I am hoping for a positive within the next day or two but we'll see. I usually ovulate the day after I get a positive test. 

I am trying to space the testing no greater than 12 hours apart but it all depends on when I have to go pee ;) 

My new goal is to aim for 9-10am and 9-10pm, each day until the I see the drop after my surge. I was trying to test in the afternoon (2-3) and then again in the evening (8-10). But I think those are too close together during the day and too far apart at night.

I am bloated, crampy and tired. All good signs! 

I want my cycle to be less than 40 days this month so let's get a move on eggie! :)

Practice makes Perfect!

I am on  CD 18. I took my first OPK today.

It is negative, of course. I have long cycles, remember ;)

I have had EWCM for the past two days, and my cervix is starting to soften but remains low.

I will be testing every early afternoon and evening from today on out, to make sure I know exactly when my surge occurs.

If you want to follow my chart, here is the link.
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/298a4d

I had my Papsmear completed by my midwife last week and my bloodwork results should be in soon.

Our contract is almost ready to be finalized and signed.

September is only TWO months away!

I am hoping all this practice charting will make a perfect baby for H & M!


Abbreviation Key:
CD = Cycle Day
EWCM = Egg White Cervical Mucus
OPK= Ovulation Predictor Kit/Strip * An OPK is only positive when the test line is as dark or darker than the control line*

let me introduce you to my little *fertility* friend!

I am set and ready for charting again! I am using Fertility Friend just like I did with Joshua. It's basic and easy for me to understand :)

AF is due, well she's overdue but that's not unusual for me to be a few days off in either direction. I have been averaging 38 day cycles since AF returned when Joshua was 3 months old. Longer cycles are my normal, I've never been a 28 day gal. Today is CD 41. My back is hurting, I'm tired, I'm crampy and just overall feeling "blah". AF is just lingering and probably waiting for the most inconvenient moment to strike. If she happens to hold off until after Tuesday, that's totally fine because I have a Papsmear scheduled that afternoon with my midwife, Peggy. I forgot about how close AF was to showing up when I made the appointment. If I have to reschedule, no big deal.

                                                Look what came in the mail today!

100 sticks for my peeing pleasure, courtesy of H! I will admit that when I was charting/TTC my children, I was a POAS (pee on a stick) addict ;)

Hopefully if all goes well, we don't need all 100 of these bad boys.

I plan to start testing around CD 16 since I have longer cycles. Hopefully this coming cycle and next cycle will teach me enough about where my best 3 day window will be for the insemination. Accuracy is key! We want this to work on the first try!

I had my blood work done earlier this week, I am sure those results will be fine.

Right now, I need your AF dust, so we can get this show on the road!




random fact: I said AF six times including now. :)

Found a possible midwife

I am giving birth in Florida, in an area I know nothing about. H and I searched online for home birth midwives and only found 2. I was disappointed by this, we need more midwives in this country!

H called one and she didn't seem as H put it "warm and fuzzy". Plus she doesn't usually travel to where H lives and her office is 2.5 hours away. I trust H's judge of character and said I would call the other one, Dawn.

I spoke with Dawn and she seems real nice. She has no problem with me transferring care to her around 36 weeks and attending the birth. I'll need all my records from my midwife, Peggy, but that won't be a problem.

Peggy was my midwife with Joshua (2nd child) and attended his home birth. I wish she could travel down with me to Florida   , but that can't happen ;) Peggy will take care of my prenatal care here in Virginia during the pregnancy.

H and I will be speaking with Dawn more as time goes on. We are still in the early stages, but at least we know someone would be available for the birth.

We are slowly putting the pieces together to this puzzle :)

Pill Popper!

*Originally written on June 5th 2011 on a previous blog*

It's never too early to start taking care of yourself when it comes to TTC and pregnancy.

Luckily for me, I still have a lot left over from when I was pregnant with Joshua.

I took what I have on hand today.

Probiotics (2 a day) to prevent yeast and BV which are common in pregnancy

Calcuim + Magnesium and Vit D (4 a day) are all important minerals for a woman especially when pregnant, calcium and magnesium can also help relieve Restless Leg Syndrome, which I have gotten in both pregnancies starting in the 2nd trimester.

Prenatal (1 a day) with Folic Acid, Iron and Zinc

Iron (1 a day) because we are planning a home birth. We want to take all preventative measures against hemmorhage, though I have had no problem in the past with it.

I need to pick up some Fish Oil Omega 3, Emergen- C and much later on some Pregnancy Tea with Red Raspberry Leaf.

I am excited to get back into this regimen!

Here begins a Journey!

*Originally written June 4th 2011 on a previous blog.*

A week ago I decided to put my desire to become a surrogate into action. I posted a couple ads on websites that a friend (also a surrogate) recommended. I started receiving emails quickly with couples interested in me. I was very specific about what I was looking for....Parents who would agree to a home/natural birth, not circumcising, and breastfeeding via induced lactation or using donor milk.

One reply was complete opposite of what I was looking for, two replies were close but they didn't feel right.

On June 2nd, I got an email from a woman we'll call "H", her husband we will call "M". She absolutely loved everything in my ad. She even referred to me as her "parenting soulmate". I was instantly excited! I knew I had to reply and get to know them better. We exchanged a dozen emails over 2 days, added each other on Facebook,  and today we talked for over an hour on the phone. I felt comfortable with her, though I was very nervous at first. We have so much in common it was hard to not feel good about it.

After our call we exchanged more messages on Facebook. Come to find out, H knows a friend of mine online. My friend Meg had twin girls about a year ago. She placed her sweet girls up for adoption and H & M were one of the families who she contacted about it. Meg had nothing but good things to say about H & M. I couldn't believe those 2 knew each other! I knew it was another good sign.

I waited for Adam to get home, so I could tell him all about my conversations with H. I told him how I felt and how I knew this was the right thing to do. Every fiber in my body felt like screaming "help them! they deserve this baby!"

I messaged H this evening and told her I was ready to move forward. Everything seems to fit in place and we mesh really well already.

Now we begin a Journey....a Journey to create a new life, to complete this loving wonderful family.

I am going to be H & M's Traditional Surrogate (TS), meaning it is my egg and M's sperm.

We will attempt at home-insemination.

H & M live in southwest Florida. They endured 2 failed open adoptions before deciding to go this route. They have 2 daughters ages 14 and 11 who we will call T & J.

I will travel to FL for the insemination(s) and for the birth.

I am so excited and can't wait to see the look on their daughters' faces when they finally meet their little brother or sister. This one will be for keeps. No more will they grieve a loss because a mother changed her mind.

I am walking down the aisle and saying "I do" to this family. This is for life, we will forever be connected.

<3 <3 <3